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Monday, July 26, 2010

How about a porn update?

Well i have a fuckload of updates on my site and on my c4s, i'm really bad at advertising, i should work on that. haha

Speaking of porn-

I need help... I'm tired of the porn i have, i need something new, something different! does anyone have any suggestions?

my site

my c4s

How about a non depressing blog?

OK enough with the mushy sad stuff right now haha I hope i didn't scare everyone away.

How are you? Like... really. How are you?

Me? I don't know how to put into words how good i feel. I just can't believe where i was just a few short months ago... and here I am. I love the new place, at first i was a little worried, being alone, all this space, new town. But honestly? I love it. I'm somewhat closer to Cleveland now, and I'm still somewhat close to my family. It's a great combo and the boys love it too.

Today i got myself something, ok it was a partial gift and partial me buying it but let me tell you. It's nice to have nice things. If that makes sense.

All this moving and changing, I haven't had the chance to have something real, something nice, something worth keeping. And now? I feel like i have the perfect starter home. I'm not sure how long i want to live here but for the next couple of years, this is great.

Anyways back to what i was saying. I got myself a plasma. A 50inch one. If you know me, then you know this is a big deal. I'm not one to have anything current. And now? i do. It's weird but also exciting! The delivery guy who set it all up (as pictured) asked if he could move in. It was pretty hilarious.

Part of the reason I got this was for work actually. I've started to make DVD and I really wanted to see how they look in HD... I love it. I also go myself a proper lighting kit thanks to Craigslist! It was $180 to order but i got it for $20! Brand new never used. I almost fell over when he asked if that was too much to ask for it! haha

So here I am, stepping my game up. In life, in work, in everything.

I think I appreciate things so much more now, being through a few rough years and having to go through things... it was all what needed to happen. I think it showed me what my priorities were, it showed me to be strong, be myself and not to let anyone or anything walk over me anymore.

I'm finally in a place where I can say I'm happy and truly mean it.

Thank you, seriously, I'm thankful for every single person who has been in my life, even the ones who aren't in it anymore.

Life is just one big learning experience. I can't wait to learn more.

Here I am installing a gate for when my nieces come over! I can be handy sometimes! I can't believe the youngest is already almost 7 months and starting to walk... My first niece didn't start to walk until she was like 9 or 10 months! I love them.

Kitty Update.

Since there are a lot of people wondering how kitty is i thought i'd update about it.

When i took kitty to the vet the next morning i found out he is a she! Her fur was so matted i mistook it for balls. lol She had every test ran on her and everything came back negative! The vet did say she needed to gain at least 2 pounds, she's 6 months old and only weighs about 2 pounds, even Ella who is 3 months weighs more than that! They told me she wouldn't have lasted one more day out there. Breaks my heart, she's so sweet.

It's funny, I'm not a cat person, but when something like this just happens, you just know what you need to do. And now? I love those kitties, although my boys are my heart. I'm so thankful my house is big enough for all of us. I'm also thankful I have such well behaved kids, they make life stress free and I love them for that.

Have i named her? No, i can't seem to find what would fit her best, she looks like a Petunia to me, but I'm still not sure.

She is still super shy and frail, she only comes out at night to come cuddle, she doesnt mind the doggies but her and El pretty much despise each other haha but I hear that's pretty normal for cats.

Wow as soon as i typed that guess who came out to the living room? Yep, she came up to me, made her sad meow and did that cute little head bump for pets. What a sweetheart! But when El came over she booked it for her room, yea she's turned my office into her room! I don't mind, she fit well in there.

Everyday she grows stronger, and i could swear she seems brighter, her eyes are more open now and she holds her head higher too.

I know she's been through hell and back but with me her days will be filled with happiness.

It's bedtime for me. Thank goodness for this King sized bed, we all fit just right! I'm gonna hate the day they'll no longer be able to sleep with me, but for now i'll enjoy it!

Here's is another one of puffy Kitty, the night after i found her, she's beautiful.

Anyone have any ideas for a name?!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Still Learning...

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need
you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with
guidance and support,

To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire
fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has
come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional

Your job is to accept the lesson,

love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

Thursday, July 22, 2010

People make me sick.

Tonight it started to storm at hula hoop class so i jumped into the van with my niece and started to head home... i noticed something small and white off the side of the road... it looked like an animal so i stopped.

Sure enough it was a small, dirty kitten... he tried to stand up and made a horrible meow at me, he didnt run, he couldnt... Once i took him into the car he hardly even noticed Jack... it was like he was just about to give up on life.

You know the commercials you see for the ASPCA? That's exactly what he looks like... i can feel every bone in his tiny frail body and its clear that who ever had him, hated him.

his fur is butchered and cut up, his belly fur is matted and someone cut his whiskers off and burnt his ears...

I can't even type this without crying...

How!? i mean WHO would do something like this to a poor defenseless animal?

I'm sick at the thought of what he has went through in his short life....

I stopped at the store and got him his own dishes and litter box and food. I want to save him but i dont want to risk my sweet Eloise so i'm keeping him in the bathroom for the night and tomorrow morning i'll be taking him to the vet...

I dont care what it takes to make him better, i will do it... he's so sweet, and lovable, even after everything he's been through. He probably loved his owner and they just abused him and the threw him away as if he was nothing... but yet he's still fighting, he still loves so hard... he's still alive.

It's almost like i know what he is feeling, to love someone so much even though they use and abuse you, then throw you away... even after everything, you still only want to believe there is good there.... even when you know there isnt, you still keep living and loving, only stronger this time.

What doesnt kill you does make you stronger, i believe this with all my heart.

All i want to do is show him a better life. I hope he makes it through the night... if he does i promise to make every day until his last, wonderful.

Also one of my little El...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Sunday, July 11, 2010


So i finally named my sweet angel.

Welcome home baby Eloise!


Now back to editing sets/vids...

Saturday, July 10, 2010


i thought getting my own house would give me more time to relax... boy i was wrong, i havent had a moment to myself yet! I've been here for what, not even two weeks and already 6 guests have stayed. I love every minute of it too. Looks like i won't be alone for a few months but there is no better way to spend your summer than to be surrounded by the people you love.

Everyone is still asleep hence why i have the time to post. Thank goodness for the extra rooms, i can be in my office or living room and not wake anyone. Although i'm sure the smells coming from the kitchen will change that quick.

I really missed cooking, not only for myself but for people who appreciate it.

This just feels so right. I'm exactly where i need to be and i couldnt be happier.

i can breath again, i can live again, i can be me again.

Oh yea, ive been getting a lot of questions about my sexuality lately. Let me just say this, I feel as though you fall in love with the person, not their gender. I wont let something like that hinder me from living life to the fullest. No i am not a lesbian but i can appreciate and love a woman just as much as a man, but fuck i do love dick. Just saying'.

I hope everyone is doing great <3 I'm off to get ready for a pig roast and camp out for the weekend, good ol'fashioned Ohio weekend.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

New place, new beginings...

I've had net for a few days but can't seem to make myself use it... I'm having entirely too much fun unpacking and decorating my new place. It's dorky i know but i cant even begin to explain how great this is. I can do... what i want... when i want! It's awesome! If i wanna walk around naked i can! YES! Oh yea, Cara Cakes is here and we're just having fun hanging out! God i love this girl.

They boys are super happy here and love they're fenced in courtyard. I love that's there's 3 bedrooms! lol I snapped a few pictures with my cell phone and I thought i'd share with everyone. When you walk in to the front door you in the great room, it's a giant room with my kitchen, dining room and living room all in one and when you walk across it there's another door to the fenced in courtyard. Down the hall there are 3 bedrooms, aka a bedroom, a walkin closet/office/way too girly room and then a spare guest room. My office is the only space in the house where i'm going nuts with color. I prefer neutrals and earth tones for the most part but i also always wanted a cupcake and ice cream themed room and now that i have the space i can do that. They doorways are extra wide except for the closets, so i guess its easy to say this is a perfect fit for me! The house is basically a big rectangle. I like it, it's roomy, quite, updated and has central air... THANK GOD! It's been such a hot summer!

Yesterday while Cara and I were driving to visit my family we were stopped by this tiny little kitten in the middle of the country road! When i stopped she came running to us like, please help me! So it looks like i just added another member to my family. She still needs a name, any ideas? I couldn't be happier about it either.

This is the beginning of a beautiful life.